my confession.

here it is. i haven’t taken care of my family financially.

do we have a roof? yes. transportation? yes. food? yes. clothes? yes.

however, my poor decisions, inattention to details, and overall negligence has gotten us to a point where we feel like we aren’t fulfilling God’s desire for our lives because we’re in bondage to debt.  we’ve had pretty bad credit card debt for a while now, so this is really nothing new, but recently God has really been showing us issues, problems, and injustices that we feel helpless to irradicate. ashley has such a desire to continue to reach out to orphans and children around the world, but financially we can’t. we would love to be able to give more to our church, but financially we can’t. we wish we could help other people to adopt by giving them money for the process (as so many did for us), but financially we can’t. we desire to be a family that can provide hope to those around us who are struggling through financial issues, but we are currently unable to dig out of our own pit. overwhelmed is a understatement. i’m embarrassed, ashamed, broken, helpless.

BUT, WE ARE PRAYING AND BELIEVING GOD FOR A MIRACLE.

this isn’t a post to feel sorry for myself or garner pity. i’ve done those things long enough.

a few things have changed over the last week. i started reading a book called Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick. it’s a book discussing how some people throughout history had have such audacious faith in God that they’ve believed God for seemingly the impossible, and God did what only He can do. this faith came not out of unbridled zealousness, but out of a belief that God is a good God that wants to use them in great ways. that’s the realization that i had this last week. God has given Ashley and myself a desire to love all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white. and if those desires come from God, i will begin believing that God is going to allow us to fulfill them. this is His big vision for our lives, so i will begin to believe that He will do what currently seems impossible to us. we’ll continue to do our part with budgets, restraint, control, planning, etc. but the hole we’re in is going to take a miracle to get out of.

so, here’s what i’m praying for right now. these are my sun stand still prayers.

1) that our house will sell by Christmas. we have enough equity in our house to pay off about half of our credit card debt, while being able to move close to the church. it’s been on the market almost a year now and not one single offer. to sell in a couple of months would be miraculous.

2) that we can have all of our credit cards payed off in less than two years. this seems absolutely insane to me, but i believe God can do the insane.

3) that we would be able to give an extra $1000 offering to thecitychurch by the end of the year. we desire to lead the way in giving at our church. giving has always been a priority in our budget, but we pray that God allows us to do even more.

i don’t know what God is going to do in this stage of our lives, but we do believe He is beginning to give us a bigger vision for our family and our church. i have to believe that He wants us to lead in these areas and not just talk a good game. i choose to believe that God is going to do the impossible. this kind of faith doesn’t come easily to me. but i choose to believe that God is good and wants to use my family for great things.